He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This house was built for laser tag.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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