Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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