well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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