he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
