btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
