Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
