My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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