He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
