I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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