piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
bring money and cleavage
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
