theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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