I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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