The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
