Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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