does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
