I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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