im holly from the hills drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
