i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
