I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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