cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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