the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
