come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
