yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
