I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
