You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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