He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
