My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
