I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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