Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
