I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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