Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
