We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
