I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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