First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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