Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I died a long time ago.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
