"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
