Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
