Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
