I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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