I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
