Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
