Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
