but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
