she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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