i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
