Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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