I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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