My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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