My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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