you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
