dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
