I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
