Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
